Presence.

Those of you that have followed this blog on a regular basis (and my family + friends) have heard me grumble, almost on a constant basis for over a year, that I can't seem to get ahead of myself - that my life seems to have taken on a fast paced momentum that simply has me along for the ride. There's a whole lot of fun+stress +joy+overwhelm+very little control.

I've learned that if i can lean into the momentum+go with it, I'm all good.

But the minute I try to control, stop the presses, calculate, anticipate, or expect, then it all goes out the window and I'm left feeling exhausted, a bit anxious,+wondering why can't I get this thing down? What can I change? How can I get more joy from this crazy non-structured life?

As much as I love my life

As much as I wouldn't change a thing

As much as I am thankful for all of it, i still have this very urgent sense that I need to somehow find a successful way to insert structure into my everyday life. It's the missing anchor, and its absence is the thing that gives me anxiety on a daily basis (that feeling of floating out there+ being pulled in a million directions + without any real box or dependable routine to support the craziness).

Over the last year or so as

I've struggled on this point

I've tried creating daily schedules

I've tried weekly schedules

I've tried making a list

I've tried task schedules, and on an on - all with various degrees of structure and success.

Nothing ever really stuck.

Then, a few weeks ago, after several more conversations with my family + one very tearful breaking point, I decided to take a leap of faith.

I know that everyday can't be perfectly structured, that there will be other plans + hiccups in the mix, but I'm feeling hopeful that this recent inspiration + overhaul my life with organized daily routine may be the trick to help release some of the anxiety that creeps in for me (more and more lately) while at the same time creating more space for me to create+do other business growing tasks that I enjoy. I'm also hoping it will free up some heart spaces for more joy+presence for the other pieces of my life (friends + family) that deeply matter.