Sunday, September 30, 2012

Taking [Breath].

Farewell, September.  It’s been very umm, just very.  I’m a huge mix of content and tired and grateful and relieved.

Oh heavy heart. Black, rolling clouds. I hear you, I feel you. I cannot think for too long.  I cannot let my mind arrive in an older place. I cannot.  A time when life was cluttered and confusing and messy.  I remember so vividly how I struggled to find balance in that new and unfamiliar world.  I reminded myself daily that this journey would be taken one breath at a time…and it was. …and then there came a day when the fog settled even more than the day before and the sun was a bit more visible and I knew, despite all of the pain and the heartache, that I would make it through to the other side…I’ve realized my thoughts haven’t changed one bit.  The things I wanted then are still the same things I want now.

What matters to me most is human connection…the ability to sit across from someone and get lost in discussion for hours. The kind where you look at your watch and say, “We’ve been here for three hours?”  I feel most content when I see friends and family walk through the front door and make themselves at home....and amongst all of the chatter and laughter and snuggled in bodies on couches, if I listen closely, I can hear Happy.   It makes me smile every time and is the best feeling in this world. 

These are the things that matter the most to me…

I have been thinking a lot lately about so many things.  I have seen so many other people feeling the same way.  As I have said before I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. 

Saturday, September 29, 2012

[Autumn] I'm Falling In Love With You.

Outside my window...many of the beautiful bright yellow leaves have fallen from the branches and the burning bush is bright red.I am thinking...about + looking forward to getting together with my siblings and their families for Halloween.I am thankful for...being able to fearlessly embarking on telling the meaningful stories of my life.I am wearing...a grey long cowled neck sweatshirt, black leggings + knee high suede black boots.I am creating...Halloween/Fall mini journal for my journey to document the process of the little ones.I am gather magazines, yarn, knitting needles and crochet hooks for my sis that needs to keep her mind off of things while her little one grows, safely.I am start working on my December Daily soon. I am so so so ready.I am hearing...the sounds of a working washing machine.I am reading...The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. I've been really inspired by him ever since listening to his interview on Speaking Of Faith.One of my favorite things...looking at all the inspiring pins on pinterest for creative ideas.Around the house...there is silence.A few plans for the rest of the week...a little adventure, a little dressing-up, + a little checking a few more things off my to-do list.

Friday, September 28, 2012


When our lives become pageants, we become actors. When we become actors, we sacrifice authenticity. Without authenticity, we can’t cultivate love and connection. Without love and connection, we have nothing.
"We need to get away. We need to regroup and renew. We need to sink into some perspective. We need to fill our reservoirs with: Trust, Gratitude, Inspiration, Art, Friends, Laughter, Play, and Song.  Because sometimes when we’re strung out and exhausted, the reflection that we see when we look into those deep ponds of renewal is the truest image of ourselves."

[Be] The Change.

I've been feeling a tap on the shoulder from that visitor, Mister "self doubt".

It happens every now and then, sometimes taking me by surprise and other times I can see exactly where it's come from.

What can we do when we feel overwhelmed by self doubt?  Here are a few things I do -

  • Talk it through with someone who will just listen, not judge. (They may even have been through this feeling before)
  • If you don't have someone to talk it through with -  write it down - the power of putting it out there is sometimes remedy enough.
  • Breathe.

I am enough, more than enough, and the good inside of me sees the good inside of my family, my inner circle and the world.  It’s all just as I knew it would be.  I am enough.  I always have been.  I just need to remember.
Being enough is everything. It’s action. It’s feeling. It’s choice. It’s letting go. “I AM NOT PERFECT. I AM ENOUGH!” And sometimes, well, sometimes that’s more than enough.

It’s so easy to not feel like enough. It’s so easy to focus on our shortcomings, our faults, the cracks in our being. The things that people might see. The things that might make someone love us a little less. Why is that so easy? I’m not sure but that’s not what this is about. Because our shortcomings aren’t what matter. Sure, they are a part of us, but they’re not what make us soar. They’re not what make us love and laugh and create. Do we have to face them sometimes? Of course? So that we can move them aside, knock them over, and BE ENOUGH.

Monday, September 24, 2012

When In [Doubt].

"Leap and the net will appear." -John Burroughs
There comes a time when we all must step outside our comfort zone. It used to be that I hesitated, I dawdled in that space of inaction and nervousness. Now, when I feel myself with my toes to the edge of self doubt (and I teeter on the cusp of losing my courage) I do my best to harness those stomach butterflies and give myself the strength of their wings.
It's not always literal of course.
Life is a constant source of choices.
Absolute certainty never comes. We always know best with hindsight, right? Yet life cannot be lived backwards. There is something inside of us; something that guides us. This I know, because this I feel.
How do you face your fears? I, personally, find myself bravest at night, under the cloak of darkness when the world is asleep. It's in that space of quiet solitude that I can harness the strongest version of myself, and I let her be my warrior. She succeeds at quieting the inner critic which leaves me room to fly during the day. (Sometimes.) There are of course other nights when I simply eat a bowl of ice cream and dream of braver days.