Monday, October 13, 2014

Life Is [Amazing].

If you think dating is hard as an able-bodied person, imagine it sitting down. There’s no hiding my baggage.  My wheels are up front and in your face. On the bright side, 
not too many people want a one-night stand with so much responsibility at stake.  Thus wheelchairs make for an excellent asshole repellent.
A lot of people think I should just settle because 'I found a guy who can accept my wheelchair.' But there’s so much more than that. I’m looking for someone who’s right for me on so many levels. So many people stay in crappy relationships out of fear 
that they won't be able to have anything better... I think that once you start to limit yourself and once you start to take away some of your confidence, you fall into the trap of settling. And you fall into the trap of thinking you’re not going to be accepted completely. But I think once you get to that place internally where you accept yourself wholeheartedly, you don’t need to do that! You don’t need to think you deserve less.

It's an easy way to not get hurt, you know what I mean? 
It’s an easy way to stay in your safe zone, if you don’t try to attain what you really want. But the truth is, in the end, it just makes you feel shittier. In the end, all it does is ruin your self-esteem. It is a vicious cycle.

Fear is a form of control. When you fear something, it gives you an excuse. It gives you an excuse not to do, or not to accept, and I think that finally accepting is actually an important part of life, no matter what. You know? Just getting to that place where you accept and realize that this is something you may not be able to change. That is giving up control. It’s hard for humans to do that. I see that being a challenge in relationships a lot of the time. 

I think the big key idea you should take away from this is:  Knowing when you’re ready for something. You shouldn’t beat yourself up about staying in a safe place, because that’s a natural place for humans to want to be. But I think there comes a point when you have to sink or swim. There really is that moment where you can stay in there and not live your life. I think every time you choose to go past that you realize how amazing life is. It opens up your world.

Google [It].

What I've learned about dating and social media...

For heaven’s sake, the first rule is to never Google, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Vine without him being 'in the know' and aware.

I have said it before and I will say it again: Googling is like reading your roommate’s dairy; It may be tempting to open the thing up and examine it because it’s sitting RIGHT THERE, and it may even be kind of exciting to read at first, but rest assured that very soon you will find out something about him that you wish you’d never known, and that will linger darkly in your mind forever.

Protecting yourself from that kind of temptation requires a fierce, self- loving discipline. It is not in any way “courageous” or an exercise in “facing the truth”---it is just self-destructive — just an excuse to feed yourself a bunch of empty calories of pure evil. You have absolutely nothing to learn.  

It is indeed difficult. If you’ve got this figured out, do let me know. As for me, I do my best to stay positive and ask myself if there’s anything I can learn from the experience. But such a thing is easier said than done.

Friday, May 30, 2014

Have [Faith].

TRUTH: Asking for help is hard. Humbling. I hadn't asked for help because I didn't want to disappoint anyone. 
TRUTH: I can't do it all. 
TRUTH:  I don't love hurting people.  I've let people down when I make mistakes. Or losing control.
 I don't like failing.
TRUTH:  I needed to change things. In a big hurry because it wasn't working and I was most-definitely failing: my health, my family and my self.

NAKED TRUTH: I'm still worried about disappointing people.
When you open your eyes each morning - you don't know what the day will bring. But when you close your eyes
each night you know how you contributed to the things you couldn't control.
This week did not go exactly how I expected, but I have found a peaceful resolution. I felt heard. At times I felt scared and overwhelmed. I also felt like I made a positive contribution to an important conversation.
I will look back on today and know I did my best, I spoke from my heart and I saw goodness in people.
Thank you from my grateful heart.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

A [New] Song To Sing.

The best way out is always through.―Robert Frost

Truth be told, happiness is not the absence of problems, but the ability to deal with them.  Imagine all the wondrous things your mind might embrace if it weren’t wrapped so tightly around your struggles.  Always look at what you have, instead of what you have lost.  Because it’s not what the world takes away from you that counts; it’s what you do with what you have left. I believe this wholeheartedly. 

True strength comes when you have so much to cry and complain about, but you prefer to smile and appreciate your life instead.  There are blessings hidden in every struggle you face, but you have to be willing to open your heart and mind to see them.  You can’t force things to happen.  You can only drive yourself crazy trying.  At some point you have to let go and let what’s meant to be, BE.
In the end, loving your life is about trusting your intuition, taking chances, losing and finding happiness, cherishing the memories, and learning through experience.  It’s a long-term journey.  You have to stop worrying, wondering, and doubting every step of the way.  Laugh at the confusion, live consciously in the moment, and enjoy your life as it unfolds.  You might not end up exactly where you intended to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to be.  (Read A New Earth.)
Yes, life is tough, but you are tougher.  
Find the strength to laugh every day.  
Find the courage to feel different, yet beautiful.  
Find it in your heart to make others smile too.  
Don’t stress over things you can’t change.  Live simply.  Love generously.  Speak truthfully.  Work diligently.  And even if you fall short, keep going.  Keep growing.

Saturday, February 01, 2014

No Day Like [Today].

Just a short note to tell you that I’m still here even if this spot has been quiet lately.

I’m writing. About life.  About teaching.  About love.  About loss.  About dating.
I’m creating so my OLW is more visible.   
I’m reading
. Finished 7 and have started Packing Light. Picking up Wild and making my way through that one.  And man it feels so good to be back into the nightly routine of reading books. So, so good.
I’m planning a party at my home with close friends.  Bring on the rainbows.

I’m exercising
. I started. Again. And just making the choice to start and actually starting again feels so good. Really good.

I’m practicing
 script writing.

I’m putting down the phone
. I need to  make a change and I’ve thought about it and taken action every single day since then. It’s made such a positive impact all around.

I’m planning and dreaming and implementing
. Always.

Sunday, January 19, 2014

Letting [Go].

If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.
-Ajahn Chah

Loving myself means letting go.

And it hit me like a ton of red, rocky bricks, hard.  He told me the hardest thing that he went through in 2013 was the passing of his grandfather.  This news blew me away. I gasped as I read the text message.  I didn’t even know that his grandfather passed on…

How could I be considered a real true friend if I wasn’t even there (let alone told about) to comfort him during his time of lose and grief?

And this was the start of a final revelation in the ending to a story that has been long past it’s expiration date.  I’ve been holding onto an old relationship for over a year now, and now is the perfect time for me to let go.  To let go and start moving on.  I tend to remember everything with reverie, as if it was all sunshine and roses. 

When I let go, I’ll give myself peace.
Everything about holding on is torturous. I regret, I feel ashamed and guilty, I rehash, I obsess—it’s all an exercise in suffering. The only way to feel peace is to quiet the thoughts that threaten it.
Letting go opens my up to new possibilities.

And recently I’ve realized that I really am a strong, happy, and passionate women.  And I want to attract a man who is equally amazing.  Not a sad, depressed, guilt-ridden person clutching to how ‘messed up’ they think they are.  Or how they are always running away from a good thing because they feel smothered.

And this I know, hope can be a terrible thing if it keeps me stuck in the past. It’s not easy to end all contact when I feel attached to someone. Breaking off the friendship might feel like ruining my chances at knowing love again.

I guess you could say, it’s helped me to change my hopes to broader terms. So instead of wanting a specific person to re-enter my life, I want love and happiness, whatever that may look like.
I will know love again. I won’t spend the rest of my life alone. In one way or another, I will meet all kinds of people and create all kinds of possibilities for relationships—if I forgive myself, let go, and open myself up.

Loving myself means letting go.

Heart + Soul, That's How I [Roll].

The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” --Thich Nhat Hanh

The world doesn’t need another website. 
It doesn’t need another app or a network.
What it needs is really basic. 
And often forgotten in the race to get followers, likes & status.


Never goes out of style.


Cannot pack this thing into 140-characters kind of love.


Friday, January 03, 2014

[Time] Is A Funny Thing.

There's something incredible about face-face contact.

I'll be quite candid when I say that one of my biggest struggles since moving from Kansas has been learning how to keep in touch with friends (and meet new ones)! Regardless of how small or big this place is and how many people live here, it's actually quite difficult to meet new people.

And when you do meet someone new, there's a big chance that you might not see them again for a month or so. Most of us claim that we're too busy, but are we really?

In reality, I think we hide behind our phones, social media, "busy schedules" and text messages because it's simply easier that way. We convince ourselves that it's not worth the time or effort to put down the technology and just meet someone for dinner.

Last night, I was lucky enough to spend real time with a new friend.
We to supper.
We walked.
We talked about life.
We talked about how busy we were.
We talked about how good it felt to just sit and talk.

During our conversation, he asked me if I had time for all the things I was passionate about. I thought about it for a moment, and quite frankly started to doubt that I actually did have time. But then I responded by saying "yes." I do have time. Because for the things I care most deeply about, I'll make time.

Confusing Truth: We all have time.

Yes, even the person who works 12 hour days has time (I do too!). The key is learning how to put the most important things first. And for me, that'll soon mean a lot more face-face contact and phone calls "just because."

Because people matter.

And it's the people in my life, that make every second worth living.