Sunday, January 19, 2014

Letting [Go].

If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.
-Ajahn Chah

Loving myself means letting go.

And it hit me like a ton of red, rocky bricks, hard.  He told me the hardest thing that he went through in 2013 was the passing of his grandfather.  This news blew me away. I gasped as I read the text message.  I didn’t even know that his grandfather passed on…

How could I be considered a real true friend if I wasn’t even there (let alone told about) to comfort him during his time of lose and grief?

And this was the start of a final revelation in the ending to a story that has been long past it’s expiration date.  I’ve been holding onto an old relationship for over a year now, and now is the perfect time for me to let go.  To let go and start moving on.  I tend to remember everything with reverie, as if it was all sunshine and roses. 

When I let go, I’ll give myself peace.
Everything about holding on is torturous. I regret, I feel ashamed and guilty, I rehash, I obsess—it’s all an exercise in suffering. The only way to feel peace is to quiet the thoughts that threaten it.
Letting go opens my up to new possibilities.

And recently I’ve realized that I really am a strong, happy, and passionate women.  And I want to attract a man who is equally amazing.  Not a sad, depressed, guilt-ridden person clutching to how ‘messed up’ they think they are.  Or how they are always running away from a good thing because they feel smothered.

And this I know, hope can be a terrible thing if it keeps me stuck in the past. It’s not easy to end all contact when I feel attached to someone. Breaking off the friendship might feel like ruining my chances at knowing love again.

I guess you could say, it’s helped me to change my hopes to broader terms. So instead of wanting a specific person to re-enter my life, I want love and happiness, whatever that may look like.
I will know love again. I won’t spend the rest of my life alone. In one way or another, I will meet all kinds of people and create all kinds of possibilities for relationships—if I forgive myself, let go, and open myself up.

Loving myself means letting go.

Heart + Soul, That's How I [Roll].

The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” --Thich Nhat Hanh

The world doesn’t need another website. 
It doesn’t need another app or a network.
What it needs is really basic. 
And often forgotten in the race to get followers, likes & status.


Never goes out of style.


Cannot pack this thing into 140-characters kind of love.


Friday, January 03, 2014

[Time] Is A Funny Thing.

There's something incredible about face-face contact.

I'll be quite candid when I say that one of my biggest struggles since moving from Kansas has been learning how to keep in touch with friends (and meet new ones)! Regardless of how small or big this place is and how many people live here, it's actually quite difficult to meet new people.

And when you do meet someone new, there's a big chance that you might not see them again for a month or so. Most of us claim that we're too busy, but are we really?

In reality, I think we hide behind our phones, social media, "busy schedules" and text messages because it's simply easier that way. We convince ourselves that it's not worth the time or effort to put down the technology and just meet someone for dinner.

Last night, I was lucky enough to spend real time with a new friend.
We to supper.
We walked.
We talked about life.
We talked about how busy we were.
We talked about how good it felt to just sit and talk.

During our conversation, he asked me if I had time for all the things I was passionate about. I thought about it for a moment, and quite frankly started to doubt that I actually did have time. But then I responded by saying "yes." I do have time. Because for the things I care most deeply about, I'll make time.

Confusing Truth: We all have time.

Yes, even the person who works 12 hour days has time (I do too!). The key is learning how to put the most important things first. And for me, that'll soon mean a lot more face-face contact and phone calls "just because."

Because people matter.

And it's the people in my life, that make every second worth living.

[Insignificant] Things.

I told someone the other night that I like to notice things.
I'm pretty sure he laughed when I told him that.
Don't we all notice things?

Well, yes. 

But I like to really notice things.

To notice so deeply that it makes me smile, even just to myself.
To notice so intensely that life seems to pause... to breathe.

To notice.

The beautiful things.
The not-so-pretty things.
The things that other people pass by.

Everyday things.
Extraordinary things.

This weekend, I've noticed.
And boy, is noticing fun.
Take my word for it, it just is.

The joy of rolling through snow…
The winter breeze while sitting down at a local joint and drinking a glass of wine next to an open window…
The people who walk like they've got somewhere to be, a new adventure they're running 5 minutes late for…
The guitarist playing love songs on the corner…

The smell of cinnamon and honey roasted almonds just outside the grocery store…
The thrill of homemade chili…

Those things.

Those very specialinsignificant things.


[Always] Enough.

I'm a lot like you. I look in the mirror and see flaws, things that need fixing, pieces of my life that are missing, feelings and thoughts that have been there so long they seem like they've turned into scars.

Rarely do I look in the mirror and say, wow, you've got it all.

But what if we woke up every morning and said exactly that? What if we woke up and started listing the reasons why we're worth so much more love than we've ever imagined? What if instead of the doubts and fears and insecurities, we were full knowing that we're always enough?

No matter the size of your bank account.

No matter the dress size.

No matter if you're single/dating/married/divorced.

No matter the job.

No matter how much you beat yourself down, because you simply don't feel like you're doing enough.

Something magical happens when you step outside of your life, even for just a moment, and you realize just how incredibly blessed and lucky you really are.

Rarely do I actually cry, but something yesterday just broke inside of me. I sang a song that resonated so deeply that sitting with my eyes closed was all I could do to hold myself together. I talked about grace, about knowing that His love for us erases all blemishes. All scars. And that even in our greatest weakness, he's always there to catch us when we fall.