Friday, August 16, 2013

Goddess [Perfection].

If I had to rank all the crappy things a guy can do, I’m pretty sure pulling “the disappearing act” would rate fairly high up there.  It’s one of those things that just sucks.  And I mean, it suuuuucks.  In many ways, it can be worse than a full on relationship and break up.  For reals.  

“The disappearing act” happens when a guy drops off the face of the earth.  Suddenly, that guy who was all over you just stops calling and goes dark.  Like pitch black, midnight dark.  You’ll think things like “maybe he was killed in a freak firecracker accident?” or “maybe his phone fell into a puddle and he lost all his numbers?”  Alas, no.  What has happened is you’ve been blown off, sister.  Big time.  And by a man who didn’t have the balls to tell you to your face.  (Or over the phone.  Or even through a lousy text, goshdarnit!) 

 I’ve held a theory for a long time.  Here it is:  Sometimes the hardest “relationships” to get over are the ones that never had a chance to develop fully.  Think about it.  If you go out with a guy for a year or two, you have the opportunity to see it all; the good, the bad, and the downright horrific.  Even if you break up, it will because things will have run their course.  You’ll have closure.  Not so with “the disappearing act.”  Chances are great you never really got to know him.  You were just beginning to get a sense of the kind of boyfriend he’d make and dreaming about a life together.  And all you’re left with is this:  The fantasy of what it could have been and the feeling of “WTF just happened?”  Very often it’s being blindsided that knocks us upside down.

I feel disrespected!  Feels that way, doesn’t it?  You’ll wonder how you could have had that minimal of an impact on his feelings that he could just walk away with no explanation.  You’ll feel dumb for caring so much for a guy who cared so little.  I get it.  But here’s what you have to remember:  Guys DON’T care the way we do.  They DON’T invest the way we do.  At least not as quickly as we do.  So what we think is serious, a man may think is casual.  What we think is potential love, a guy may think is only lust.  It’s just the way it works.

Sometimes your closure is just realizing that this guy is scum.  Sadly, that is very often all the closure you’ll get.  And all you should try to get.  Attempting to force his hand to defend his actions will rarely result in anything good.  You’re not likely to get a real answer.  (Should he actually answer the phone, rest assured the following will be coming out of his mouth:  “Ummmm, I’ve been busy…”  Sound familiar?)  So here’s what you have to do:  Let him disappear.  As tough as it is, it’s really your only recourse.  Do anything else and you’ll either be the dumb chick who bought into his excuses or you’ll come off looking like a desperado, or both.  (Trust me, I’ve been both and it isn’t pretty.)

Since I embarked on this journey striving for “goddess perfection”, I made a vow that I would always try to see the long term impact of my decisions.  I didn’t want to do things I would later regret.
And if he does vanish into thin air anyway?  Well, my bet is he wasn’t much of a prize to begin with.

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