A Return To [Love].

I wish relationships had a preview button like iTunes, but they don’t.

So, the best we can do is equip ourselves with clarity—

what we want and what we don’t want.

Through experience, I’ve learned what I am willing to accept and what I’m not.  Here is what I have learned…

·      If I am describing the person you are with, you are dating a boy, not a man.

·      Let him go, so he can grow up.

·      Here’s a golden rule: Don’t waste your time with someone who wastes their own time.

·      Love never withholds.

·      There is nothing sexier than a man of his word.

·      Find a gentleman, because a gentleman wouldn’t have it any other way.

·      Intimacy is mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. If one of these pillars is missing, then so is the intimacy; it’s condemned.

·      Meeting your partner’s family is critical to the relationship. Observing him in his parents’ presence will instantly teach you everything you need to know about his foundation. 

·      Having a partner should make life cleaner, not dirtier.

·      Unconditional love remains present at all times. There is always a way through a disagreement or fight. It just takes both people committing to listening to one another.

·      When he does say “I love you,” it should flow. There should never be a scoreboard for love; I said it, now you say it.

·      If he cannot take responsibility for his actions or words and hold himself accountable, he is insecure and immature. It takes awareness and maturity to accept responsibility and say, “I’m sorry, and I forgive you.”

·      A relationship is made up of one team; it is not a game, and it is most certainly not a competition.

·      Once an eye roller, always an eye roller.

·      There is no room for dishonesty in love. None.

·      There is nothing more noble or honorable, than a person who works hard. It does not matter if you collect garbage, work at a grocery store or shovel shit. If you work hard you are dignified. 

·      How we treat one thing is how we treat everything. If he buys something and sells it within a short period of time, he will surely do the same with you—trade you in for a new model. No Bueno.

·      One line comes to mind, “I am not your doormat!”

·      As my friend says, “You deserve someone who believes in you more than you believe in yourself.”  

·      If he does not bring a smile to your face and to your heart every day and every time you see him, and he is not smiling back at you—move on. 

Straight [Up].

People say it all the time: "tell me straight up, I just want to know what's going on, tell me I can handle it." We don't dodge questions in relationships because we're trying to be mean. But we do it because the truth, is often grey. And they have no idea.

They say the truth will set you free. What the hell do they know. The truth is horrible, frightening; The truth is more than most can bear. When dating we're suppose to be straight, but people need to be careful what they ask for when they walk into a new situation/relationship. Because when they find out what's really going on, they may never recover. My suspicions were correct.

The truly scary thing about undiscovered lies is that they have a greater capacity to diminish or hearts and souls than exposed ones...

Clean [Slate].

People are really romantic about the beginnings of things. Fresh start, clean slate, a world of possibilities but no matter what new adventure you’re embarking on, you’re still you. You bring you into every new beginning in your life so how different can it possibly be?

It’s all anyone wants, right? Clean slate, a new beginning, like that’s gonna be any easier. Ask the guy pushing the bolder up the hill. Nothing’s easy about starting over. Nothing at all.

What Still Pulls On Your [Soul]?

I came across this passage several years ago and it changed my life. What still pulled on my soul was the quiet and then not-so-quiet call to become a storyteller. One tiny step after the next, and I found myself in the center of my life's dream. Remarkable. And now, all of these years later, in the quiet pauses between the noises of school and teaching and mentoring and living a deliciously full life, I'm hearing a new call to push up against a new edge of this creative life. To tell my story and express my work in the world in new ways.

It might not sound like much, but it's the scariest thing I've done in years. Because it meant that I had committed.

To show it. 

To teach. 

To not just believing my story mattered but telling it. 

In front of people.

I was nervous, but I did it. And the lesson of doing the things we didn't think we could do circled back around to my heart and taught me all of it's valuable, heart centering lessons all over again. 

The ones about making small moves while trusting that all the bigger metaphysical moves will shift with us. 

The ones about stepping into our courage because it allows us to witness our lives from a different angle. 

The ones about embracing our vulnerabilities and trusting the process of answering the urges, even when we've got gremlins galore.

I'm reminded of a quote that also changed my life not so long ago:

"....the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favour all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way." - WH Murray
I can't say for sure, but I'm thinking that the small but big move of telling my story and then actually using it during a small, sweet dinner this past weekend, was the beginning of something new. It's been a long time since I felt a sense of absolute relief (and a smidge of pride) that comes after we've pushed ourselves. I'm just so glad I did it.

I am reminded that my beautiful, messy, complicated story matters, and I'm telling it!