Saturday, November 10, 2012

[Soul] Purpose.

Taking risks is not easy for everyone.
Who am I kidding? Taking risks is not really easy for anyone. Because taking risks usually means doing something that makes us feel unsure, uncomfortable, unsafe, or uneasy. And that is hard.  Yet, people  take risks every day. Some big and some small. But, no matter the size, or the significance (or even insignificance) of the risk, what does matter is that we stepped out of comfort zone for a while. We pushed ourselves, put ourselves out there, leaped, took the plunge, dove in.  But I'm feeling a 'vulnerability hangover.'
No one is perfect, but we all seem to demand it from ourselves ... and from each other.  The more that I do things that scare me, the more I find out that it does get easier. I gain more confidence. I am a little bit less scared each time. Most importantly, I've discovered whose opinions I really value.  I've started to carry around a list of names in in my wallet of the people who matter to me. Here's a hint: None of them are named "Anonymous."

All I can do is make the best decision I can at any given time with the resources I have. So whilst this road right now feels bumpy and scary as hell, I know I will look back on it at some point with the beauty of hindsight and see the lesson in it. I do know that I am strong enough to ride it out and come out the other side even if I might get some cuts and bruises along the way. So this is me being honest, struggling, reaching out.
Progress not perfection.
I suspect that I'll always deal with the 'vulnerability hangover.' To dare greatly and to allow yourself to embrace vulnerability isn't so much about abandoning fear but -- to borrow from Ambrose Redmoon -- to acknowledge that something is more important than that fear. To face that fear and to be vulnerable means that I know that I'm worth the risk. As for those vulnerability hangovers ... that's why they invented bubble baths.

Amos Lee says it beautifully in his song...Violin.

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