Letting [Go].

If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.

-Ajahn Chah

Loving myself means letting go.

And it hit me like a ton of red, rocky bricks, hard.  He told me the hardest thing that he went through in 2013 was the passing of his grandfather.  This news blew me away. I gasped as I read the text message.  I didn’t even know that his grandfather passed on…

How could I be considered a real true friend if I wasn’t even there (let alone told about) to comfort him during his time of lose and grief?

And this was the start of a final revelation in the ending to a story that has been long past it’s expiration date.  I’ve been holding onto an old relationship for over a year now, and now is the perfect time for me to let go.  To let go and start moving on.  I tend to remember everything with reverie, as if it was all sunshine and roses. 

When I let go, I’ll give myself peace.

Everything about holding on is torturous. I regret, I feel ashamed and guilty, I rehash, I obsess—it’s all an exercise in suffering. The only way to feel peace is to quiet the thoughts that threaten it.

Letting go opens my up to new possibilities.

And recently I’ve realized that I really am a strong, happy, and passionate women.  And I want to attract a man who is equally amazing.  Not a sad, depressed, guilt-ridden person clutching to how ‘messed up’ they think they are.  Or how they are always running away from a good thing because they feel smothered.

And this I know, hope can be a terrible thing if it keeps me stuck in the past. It’s not easy to end all contact when I feel attached to someone. Breaking off the friendship might feel like ruining my chances at knowing love again.

I guess you could say, it’s helped me to change my hopes to broader terms. So instead of wanting a specific person to re-enter my life, I want love and happiness, whatever that may look like.

I will know love again. I won’t spend the rest of my life alone. In one way or another, I will meet all kinds of people and create all kinds of possibilities for relationships—if I forgive myself, let go, and open myself up.

Loving myself means letting go.