Sucking It Up.

I hate the idea of "sucking it up". For me it always leads to a feeling of shame + comparison, like everyone else is doing it/balancing it/succeeding at it, why can't I?

Sometimes I wonder if the tired piece for sadness is a very natural way of asking ourselves to be quiet, to reflect, to honor -- + to lay the foundation for finding or making meaning from the grief we're experiencing. To get busy, maybe, is a signal to ourselves that we don't trust ourselves to be okay while being vulnerable, or to come back, or to tolerate a little of the internal aloneness that sadness seems to highlight.

There seems to be a lot of significant risk-taking in my life these past few years, and it's impossible for me to say how much being honest about that process seems to embolden (and ennoble) others . . . or, specifically, me.

I've been sharing with people who I think will "get it" and they've been excited, enthusiastic, supportive. I still struggle with how to transmit what I'm learning to people in my life whom I believe would benefit from it- both in terms of what it would do for our relationship and what it could do for them as an individual- but who appear to be so mired in shame and judgment that listening to these messages isn't an option for them.