Friday, May 10, 2013

[Simple] Abundance.

TAKEN FROM A JOURNAL ENTRY:  I've always know the realization that we all have a choice. We can either choose to be grumpy, in a bad mood, or we can choose to be our real, happy selves. Our moods & actions are our own responsibility. I cannot blame other or outside circumstances for my behavior, or my reaction to them. Whew - I'm ready to be joyful.

Although I seem to be naturally inclined to look at the bright side, I've struggled a lot with gremlins: negativity, shame, envy, fear, self-esteem, and on an on. I began to get serious, though, about my own self development for the first time when I was about 27. I was in a really tough spot in my life.  Bottom line, I was deeply unhappy and perpetually stuck in a victim-stance attitude the entire time.

Can I just say turning point. 

After that, I spent the next year getting myself together. I called it my year of "self development."   I began to read books (this book and this book were my main guides). I began to journal + reflect (repeat, repeat, repeat). But most importantly, I suppose, I began to practice all the things I was learning about in the books: self compassion, embracing my vulnerabilities, gratitude (I had loads of gratitude lists and journals back then).

As you can see in my journal entry above, I was just learning some very key principles in living a joyful life. I think of my books and my best friends as my guides during those days. They taught me so much (and still do). After the year of self development was up, I kept on reading more books, more insights, more practice. So yes, those early years were defining years for me, for sure.

Fast forward to the present day and what I find so interesting nowadays is that, in some ways, I'm right back to that intense focus on self development. I suppose there are years when we have to practice more than others, and the last couple of years have been huge practice years for me. But I like being a life long learner.  I love that about me!

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