Thursday, June 27, 2013

[Wrap] Your Arms Around Me.

How did I find myself here? I seem to be asking this so very much lately, partly out of happy disbelief, and partly out of something more practical that I can't seem to put my finger on. I want to make sure I’m where I want to be. I don't want to wake up one day and find myself somewhere vague and misdirected, like so many people describe in their lives and how I found myself many, many years ago too.

Passion and inspiration...check. Unfortunately my brain is always moving and my thoughts never make a sound!

I feel ready and I am curious to see how I do with letting my feelings be known, in writing, to an audience.

Will I be able to balance and center myself through it all, especially all the writing of my book?
Will I be able to feel my way through it with inspiration?
Will I be vulnerable enough to expose that at one time, I thought I wasn't enough.
Will I be able to express in words how I hurt someone so special to me, and how now, I feel like I pay a huge price.

Most of all, I want to stay balanced, grounded, structured yet passionate, wild, and free.

Can we have it all?

It's hard work to listen to ourselves, to make sure we are ourselves in the midst of the everyday callings. Man- o -Man. I feel fortunate today, many years later, to be right here, where I want to be, but it comes with constant tweaking, recognizing, and re-evaluating. It was a hard lesson for me and it was hard work to rediscover myself. I don't want to go through that unearthing again…so, tweaking it is, even if it means I'm too much.

Too wordy.
Too vulnerable.
Too woo woo.
Too analytical.
Too emotional.

I like this self. Feels good.

I hope that years and years from now I will remember these very months with gentle fondness. I'm sure I will…

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