Wednesday, October 10, 2012

[Stuck] In The Moment.

'Give your stress wings and let it fly away.'  ~Terri Guillemets

My writing journey...

Writing is one of those things. I used to write so often. I craved the outlet. I felt like I was documenting, recording, venting, being transparent. Maybe even bringing others together who might have something in common. For quite some time, I’ve felt a sense of decapitation. Lots of feelings have swirled around that headlessness. Mostly directionless. Feeling foggy. Numb. Misunderstood. Like my ship has been hit. With that came a need to lay quiet. To be still. To observe more and receive direction.
I have always written. It’s part of who I am. It’s how I process both goodness and grief. There are a million good things that come from writing publicly to the few negatives that come with putting yourself out there to be perceived and assessed, to be criticized and evaluated. 

This journey has been quite a beautiful one because of the people who have come into my life because I have put mine out there. On the flip side, during your lifetime there will be those who may never believe in you. They may absolutely NEVER “get” you. Sometimes, these people you may feel know you well, so it feels extra undeserved. Sometimes the people who don’t believe in you will be people you don’t even know, just looking for someone to criticize. Whatever the case may be, it is important to note that not everyone will agree with the things that you are doing, and that’s totally ok. The key is to stop letting people who do so little for your life, control so much of your mind, feelings and emotions. This is where I am. I’ve let go of those that God found a way to weed out and made permanent space for the people He has, over time, handpicked to be here.

I recently received an email, the words resonated with me...

"As always, you are able to very poetically put your thoughts down and come up with something that is probably better published for the world than sit in my inbox."  

I am writing for the world, to the world, for you, and I shall be published...I guess my thoughts really do touch lives.  
That being said, despite my weariness, my weakness, my growing tired body; I still have a wildfire in my soul. I’m breathing it back to life, after these past few months of feeling snuffed out. God has stirred my wildfire, and instilled that in me over and over again. My days and my world and my head have been extremely full…. but my words…. they have been my solace. Intentionally. Something or someone brought back my spark.  I am grateful.

Writing can heal you. It healed me.

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