Wednesday, October 03, 2012


I remember thinking that if you loved someone that you would love them forever.  I didn’t understand how people who were married for 25 years could divorce. I thought love was made of metal – impenetrable – forever.  I could only imagine one Prince Charming. I remember when I broke up with my first love at 28 – I still loved him AND I realized that I couldn’t be with him if I wanted to have a more full life. It was the first time I realized that life is complex – you can feel two almost opposite things at once and they can both be true.
It’s almost easier to live in a black and white world where you can paint by numbers and follow the rules. But when you embrace complexity it asks you to sit with feelings that don’t always feel good. I was taught, as were many people, that feeling bad meant that you ought to get the hell out of where you were – but that’s not always so. Feeling bad takes you into a darker, deeper place where you probably have some openness with yourself.
I think we carry more wisdom about how to deal with stuff than we realize. But we spend so much time trying to future-trip, coming up with possible scenarios, mostly to avoid discomfort or disappointment or failure altogether. But when we live our lives - work with what you’ve got right now, we meet challenges as they come, not before. We do exactly what’s needed the moment that it’s needed.
Sometimes we need to ride out all feelings.  I remind myself of this when I find myself in uncomfortable situations, or in an environment that’s unfamiliar and scary.

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